Halloween is past, and now suddenly it’s Christmas. I miss the days when people actually took the time to wait for December. Maybe they’re just really festive people .. or just don’t want to freeze their buts off putting up decorations in December. For me, Christmas has kind of lost it’s meaning, I can imagine it does for everyone, but more so for me.
As a kid you’re crazy excited just because you get lots of presents – then you find out Santa isn’t real & get kinda bummed out, but you still get presents, so it’s all good. Growing older you realize that it’s kind of expected for you to buy gifts for others as well, and your excitement lessens yet again. Finally your 16, and your dad dies on the 21st of December; at least that’s the case for me. Then Christmas rolls around and you really couldn’t care less.
I wasn’t even around when he died, we knew it was coming, so it wasn’t a big surprise; I had said that I didn’t want to see him die, as it would be an image that I would probably never get out of my head. I was up somewhere with my now ex boyfriend, and got the news momentarily after I got up. The one thing that freaked me out the most was the dream I had that night. I was at W-O in front of the caff, and I got a call from my mom. She told me that my dad was dead, and I ran to the bathroom and balled my eyes out, looking into the mirror. I woke up, and that’s pretty much what happened, minus the fact that I was no where near school.
His funeral was on Christmas eve, and my cousin’s baptism, the day of Christmas. My dad was to be his god father, but that never happened – and thus the story of how I became my youngest cousin’s god father.
But anyway, that’s not exactly what I wanted to write about.
Ever since then when people are excited about Christmas & gift giving, I’m forced to remember my dad’s death, and however many years ago he died. The year he died as well as last year we didn’t decorate in the slightest, except for some poinsettias that we were given. The only up side to his death was people felt the need to give us lots and lots of amazing food. My mom & I decided that we’re probably going to at least put up the Christmas tree this year, and maybe even give a few gifts.
So here’s to hoping this years going to be a bit better then the last.