Category Archives: Randoms
I’ve never been just as totally lost and confused as I am in this moment.
I have two different views, and they’ve collided.
Forgiveness always came natrually to me, but for some reason this time it’s different.
We’re human, we screw up and we learn from it, we’ve all had our share of those.
But when you’ve been burned before, eventually it feels like you’re making a mistake.
That maybe forgiveness isn’t what’s best.
That maybe they don’t deserve it.
I’ve forgiven people before just because I didn’t want to lose them.
Does there even need to be a reason why ?
There never had to be before.
But I’ve never been able to work past anything, I was never given the chance.
I don’t want to lose people.
Once you’ve given everything you can to someone, you can’t just take it back.
But is it what’s best ?
It’s like inlicting pain on myself for fun.
It doesn’t make sense.
To let go isn’t a sense of freedom.
It’s a sense of loss.
Like it is to loose someone you love dearly.
Only now I get to choose, I’m in command.
That’s a sense I’ve never felt.
Not in a situation like this.
I automatically give my power to whoever else comes along.
But when they hurt you with it, what do you do.
You can’t just get it back.
Time can’t be rewound.
They have your power.
The power to hurt you as deep as it’s possible to.
The magnitism to keep you.
And when you’re powerless to someone, how far becomes too far ?
How can you tell ?
How do you know ?
You’re the only one who is in control of deciding that.
But not even you know.
How many wounds becomes too many ?
You don’t even know whats good for you.
You’re lost and alone surrounded by darknes.
Fearing whats hidden in the shaddows.
You’re not brave.
You’ve never been.
You can put on a show that’s skin deep.
But when it comes down to it your a coward.
You’re scared of everything.
So you stick to what’s safe.
But what happens when what was safe is only a nightmare.
Where do you run ?
Where do you turn ?
When there’s nothing left what is there to believe in ?
Is there even nothing left ?
There’s no way to know.
No one who knows.
The unknown is unberrable.
And it’s a dangerous place.
Despite what you’ve felt you can’t believe anyone.
No one is safe.
No one can be trusted.
You can’t give someone everything.
What happens when they hurt you ..
What happens when they leave ..
What happens when they mock you ..
You can’t do anything.
You’ve never been able to do anything.
Until now, I’ve never had to deal competing with anyone for attention. Growing up as an only child I got all the attention I ever wanted, and even got it when the last thing I wanted was attention; that’s just what I’m used to. This may seem silly, but to me it’s the farthest thing from it. Now I don’t want to go into detail about who it is or what’s been happening, but lets just say the result is a not very happy Kim. I guess I can start by saying that I don’t quite understand why I’m receiving less attention from person A now that person B has come along, especially since I’ve known both of them longer then they’ve even known eachother.
I hope this isn’t coming off as whiney – and I’m sure if I came accross this I’d be the one saying ‘oh boo hoo, there’s worse things in life to be sad about’, but let’s just say person A plays a fairly significant role in my life. Go ahead, call me jealous, I won’t deny it, but my real point here is I just don’t get it, and I wish I was able to talk to person A about it without them looking at me like I’m a brainless idiot for reacting the way I am. Another thing, I’ve hardly ever talked to anyone about stupid personal issues lately other then person A. So blog, until then, prepare to be spammed with the random crap floating around my mind that I probably shouldn’t be posting for my own dignity’s sake.
Ever had one of those days, when nothing really seems to be going your way ?
For example, you wake up with intentions to take a shower only to find out that someone already had that idea, go to put on your new deoderant and find out that the spinny thing at the bottom doesn’t push it up, read your email that says you ordered 3 items from a website totaling at $60 when you only ordered one thing, go to class and the professor isn’t there until an hour after class technically started, then one person in class askes you something that has been brought up/talked about a million times before by multiple people.
Well yeah, that’s basically been my morning – and to top it all off, it’s monday morning.
I don’t have these kind of days often, I tend to look on the brighter side of life and just put my problems with it behind me, but today I honestly just can’t.
One good thing is, things are getting dealt with in terms of my classes. Or at least they’re supposed to be soon. And I suppose semester break is comming up relativly soon, so yay. (:
For now, I think I’m going to go for a walk (not quite as peacefull as a walk back home would be, but a walk none the less).
Toodles for now ♥
Why am I awke right now ? Easy, my ear hurts.
My boyfriend and I put mini spacers in on saturday so I’d blame it on that, but it’s the inside part that’s hurting (if that’s still somehow related, I don’t know).
There’s one thing that you may not know about me, is that I’m the biggest worryier on the face on the planet. Weather there’s one reason to be scared of something hurting of if there’s 100, I’ll be parinoid untill the last pain goes away. Well let me tell you, since september its been one fun year as far as different aches and pains go. My stomach cramped randomly apparently for no reason said the doctors, my heart felt like it’s fluttering (no, not the mushy romantic feeling either), just last week my face (sinuses) felt like someone had dropped a bag of bricks on it, my head’s randomly felt like it was going to explode because of the pain, and now this. I’ve never felt more parinoid and like I’m falling appart then I do now.
Recently I’ve just felt like just giving up on life and lying in bed, cuddling up with Mark (my boyfriend) for a couple days, or at least have a break and get away from the big city for a little while. Too bad life just isn’t that simple. You need money to have a room, and a bed, a blanket, a car, somewhere else to stay, and in order to get that money it requires you to do something other than just laying in bed and enjoying the little things around you. I wish that’s how we could live life.
It’s kinda funny what a hurting ear and being tired and parinoid can lead you to think about. If only I could write my reports this easily.
As for ranting about my program here at college, I’ll save that for another day.
Lately I’ve been trying to blog every other day or so, mainly because it would make my calander look kinda cool, but throw in a better grade and that’s just a bonus. If you’ve just looked at my calander & realised that I should have posted something yesterday rather then today, yes, I know.
Anyway, I’ve been coming up with random topics to blog about that just randomly pop into my head, and so, heres one.
When I was younger I was on a baseball team, and since we won the ORSA thing we got team jackets (I only remember what it was even called because we got to ride around on I think a fire truck and chant “ORSA CHAMPS”). I still have this jacket, but the last time I actually wore it was in grade nine.
This year I was in 4 dance groups and 3 choirs; the best thing we could get for either were track pants. Before I went to France and bought a couple jackets there, I was caught in the ‘it’s to cold to wear a t-shirt outside but too warm for a sweater’ thing. This isn’t the greatest reason for wanting team/club jackets, but hey, it’s a reason none the less. There’s also a better chance at someone else from that team/club to be wearing that jacket as opposed to track pants, and if you don’t want to be wearing the same thing as them, you can just take it off (I suppose you could take your pants off, but unless you’re living in Meghan’s pantless society, that might be a bit awkward).
Walking around the school there’s almost always someone with some kind of sport groups jacket on from the school, yet none of the sport groups I’ve been a part of at W.O. have ever had a team jacket. You could say I’m complaining or just wanting another jacket to wear, but I kind of wish I had more then one team jacket hanging in my coat closet.
First off, wordpress’s side bar thinger changed !
Just thought I’d throw that out there – in case you haven’t noticed.
Anyway, this blog post is going to take much longer to type then I hoped it would, due to the fact that my mind is living off of zero hours of sleep and I keep typing certain letters out of order. My all nighter intent was to write two film reviews, and possibly my editorial & math. Well, it’s currently 4:51 am, and I’ve finished a review and a half – needless to say, that didn’t go as planned.
I really don’t know what my point was when I decided I was going to write a blog post about this, but well, here it is anyway.
Ooh ! At about 1 am or so, my summer school buddy & I had a poke war on facebook chat. I’m not a big fan of people posting their conversations with other people for whoever to see, so I wont. But trust me when I say it’s one of the most random but epic conversations I’ve ever had – and if you’ve known me for a while, you know that I’ve been in a lot of random epic conversations, situations, ect.
(Also if you’re wondering why it seemed to take so long for me to write this, I did take a break to finish my 2nd movie review, so yay !)
(I don’t even know if wordpress tells you what time posts were published at, but if you’re wondering, it’s now 5:51am)
So this morning before leaving for school (but after I missed my bus), I was asked by my aunt to bring the lawn mower from the shed in the backyard to her car. I thought this would be an easy task, so of course I said yes – that and I would’ve felt like a horrible person if I said no.
Well, this was far from easy.
1. It was raining
2. We have a hill going up from my back yard to front yard
3. Said hill is about an 80 degree angle
4. This lawn mower couldn’t turn to save it’s life
5. I don’t think it’s been used in a couple years
6. I now see why this hill doesn’t get mowed too often
Overall, this adventure resulted in me pushing it up the hill, then sliding back down about a million times. Then pushing it up a little bit farther, and sliding back down. Then turning it around and pulling it up the hill about 40% of the way, and sliding back down. And well, I’m sure you get the point.
In the end I decided to take a run at the hill, and push it up faster – which didn’t work either. But eventually (and a good 15 minutes later) I made it up the hill by pushing it up a little, digging a hole for my foot, then pushing it up more, and so on and so forth.
I’ll just end with I hope to god my neighbors weren’t watching, and I really hope this was the most problem solving & most exhausting thing I’ll have to do today.
It’s kind of sad that this true, but I’m pretty sure these little red circles would have the same effect on me too – even though I don’t have an iPhone.
So as I would’ve hoped you figured out by reading the title:
I’m in math class
We’re in the library working on what I think is part 1 of our summative
I don’t have a calculator
The one on the computer isn’t cooperating
Thus I have nothing else to do
If you actually managed to guess all that .. good on you, cause I definatly wouldn’t have.
Homework wise, this weekend didn’t go as planned, but either way it was still pretty fun.
Ohh, on friday like I meantioned, I went to Mohawk to write the english assessment to figure out how many english courses I have to take. We had to write an essay on multitasking and answer some multiple choise questions. I got 5/9 or something like that on the essay and 82% on the questions. Either way, I’m only in one english class next year, yay (:
Anyway, I’m pretty sure the bell is about to ring so I should go, and Sara says hi.